Untrusting
by redex
Summary: as promised for my 100th review in Evermind. TyKai [oneshot]


So this is another short-ish one-shot for all of yous. This is for, as I mentioned previously, my first 100 reviews in Evermind. ^^ Sorry it took so long to do, but I wanted a few people to read it before I uploaded it. To that point, if anyone would like to beta for me, please e-mail me.  
  
Disclaimer: yeah. I don't own anything.  
  
~`~,*|*`~,~  
  
Kai was seated in a corner, between Mariah and Rei and was carefully giving only short, monosyllable answers that quickly curbed conversation.  
  
Suddenly the lights dimmed signaling the start of a slow song. The action on the dance floor slowed down and thinned ads couples managed a break in their snogging to dance.  
  
One by one, the team broke up as they moved onto the dance floor. Rei was the first to go, Mariah jumping up immediately and snagging his hand. Max was next, shyly accepting Emily's offer. Tyson was last, reluctant to leave Kai sitting by himself, but he succumbed to vanity in the guise of a female admirer.  
  
Kai was not as immune to this action as he acted. Behind his stone, impenetrable face he was berating himself.  
  
"You let it happen again! You let them leave you even though you know you want them to stay back. They're not mind-readers; you just have to get up the courage, you chicken!"  
  
He ached with inexplicable pain; hidden behind his stoic exterior.  
  
A couple danced by; a brown-haired woman allowed herself to be swept along as she smiled at her attractive partner, the mood lights sparkling in her eyes.  
  
Kai watched them turn their slow circles, catching his eyes every time they wondered over too far to the left, the scene of the crime. The un-punishable crime against his heart.  
  
He just ached inside. He wished he could just go over to the bar and drown his pain until everything turned into the dull ache that plagued him during most of his days, but that stupid old man, Mr. Dickenson had found out all about his drinking habits and had made sure the bartender knew his age.  
  
His hands fidgeted in his pockets until they found the reassuring sharp edge of Dranzer. He let the metal edge run over his fingers, wishing it was sharp enough to cut his skin to shreds.  
  
He walked on glass every day, seeing the object of his desire moving around, apparently unaffected by the aura Kai felt he must be emanating.  
  
The other boy had no idea of what he was doing to his captain with his simple friendship and smiles. Feeling utterly jaded, he stopped holding himself back. If Tyson found out about his affections it would be so much easier. Then, at least it would be over, one way or another. He wouldn't need to try and summon up the courage he didn't feel was there to approach the happy-go-lucky teammate.  
  
He hated these feelings. Even the word had a repelling longing to it. He wanted to be touched, and not just in a sexual way. He needed someone to hold him. What he had long ago boiled it down to was: he didn't trust anyone enough to let them touch him. He knew he flinched when anyone did.  
  
His eyes roamed over the body of his former rival and thought he was actually looking pretty good tonight. Tyson usually dressed in a sloppy way that made him look fat or out of shape, but Kai knew otherwise. Tonight Mr. D. had taken another liberty and "asked" Rei to dress him properly. The black t-shirt fit him well, considering it was Kai's and the jeans they had found showed off a pretty nice ass. Over it he had a short jacket that was slung over one of the chairs. The absence of the usual ball cap made him look all that much more mature. Kai wished for a moment that he would dress like this more often, and then realized if he did, he wouldn't be Tyson any more.  
  
He looked away and down, but not really seeing anything at all. He had dressed carefully, as he always did; somehow hoping Tyson would sweep him up. He wondered for a few minutes; as he often did, if he was looking in the right place for (dare he even say it?) love. Unfortunately, he was sure in his sexuality. At least if he wasn't he would have had an excuse for himself. He didn't now, just that he was a hidden coward.  
  
He pulled his hands out of his pockets and chafed them together. He wished he could escape. Fill himself with that familiar red haze, a pain he could recognize and fight against. On sudden impulse he flipped his hands palm up and studied the scars running up his arms. They were only visible when one knew they were there: one asset of his Russian-given pale skin.  
  
Hands of a darker hue reached down and clasped his fingers. He looked up slowly, the silent exhaustion with life weighing him down. When he finally met those deep brown eyes he was already standing. What was happening didn't register. He knew his cold mask was still on. The smile on the other's face wavered. He couldn't hear the words as they were being spoken, but he saw the delectable lips move and he translated for himself.  
  
"Do you want to dance with me?"  
  
The words didn't make sense, but his sub-conscious took over, knowing it's sibling to be in shock. He nodded, stepping close. The smile was back; the one that had graced virtually every magazine and newspaper cover sense its world-famous victory.  
  
He was pulled into a hug and arms went around his waist. He could feel their every move, he was hyper sensitive to all of his body touching or being touched by his partner. But he was still focused on those eyes.  
  
"Tyson..." he started and swallowed. The boy looked at him expectantly, still leading their slow movements.  
  
"I like you. A lot. I...I think I'm in love with you," he broke out. He thought Tyson must not have heard him and his heart sank. He would never get up the courage to say that again. Then something miraculous happened.  
  
Tyson pulled Kai even closer, their bodies were flush and Kai could feel Tyson's hips and chest touching his. More than just touching. His eyes fluttered closed with a sigh as Tyson's lips placed a feathery kiss on his lips.  
  
"I like you too Kai."  
  
Kai stared at him for a few seconds and then slowly crumbling. As his walls fell, so did his supports and he leant into Tyson holding him tightly. He let his head rest on the other's shoulder and closed his eyes.  
  
~`~,*|*`~,~  
  
Crimson eyes opened with a sigh and gazed at the empty spot in front of them. There was no warmth. It was just a dream. He had let Tyson get away that night and over and over again it happened. He had never told him and now he regretted it every moment of his life, waking or otherwise.  
  
He couldn't trust anyone. Not even himself.  
  
~`~,*|*`~,~  
  
So if you liked or not, please review. No flames, please, but creative criticism is fine. 


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